I Get to Choose What I Think

Everyone deals with stress and crisis at one point in our lives when we may not want to. Think about these two words, stress and crisis. They probably sound like negative words that we all want to run away from. However, is there such thing as positive and good stress/crisis? How do we handle and cope with this stress in our lives, especially when it's in our own families?

Reuben Hill's theory is called the ABCX Theory: Actual event, Both resources/responses, Cognitions, and total eXperience.

His theory starts off with the "A"ctual event of the crisis. An example may include a separation in the family. Let's say the parents were divorced after about five years of marriage and they have two children. That could be a negative crisis for the family. The roles in the family would end up having to be changed and some of the children would feel like they need to step up and fill in those responsibilities their divorced parent had.

The children could take it as a really negative event in their lives, or they could use it in a positive way. This is where we get to the next part in Hill's theory, "B"oth resources and responses. The children could react in two different ways. They could be angry at their parents for choosing divorce, or they could look at that and think, "what could I learn from this and use it as something positive in my life?" Don't get me wrong, life is hard and it's so much easier said than done when it comes to tough situations. However, it can help, depending on the responses we make with life situations we may not have control of.

Cognition is so important in how we deal with family crisis and stresses. How we understand why events may have had to happen could help shape how we are going to deal with them in the long run.

For example, my family went through a recent unexpected event in which our home caught on fire and my family has had to live in someone's basement for a time. I know, super random right? My family could have just thought of that experience as a negative event and complained the whole time. I am very amazed at how my family has been able to cope with this unexpected event because of their positivity. They understand the importance of reacting in a positive way and trying to see the good in bad situations. Yes, it's inconvient, but they didn't let it ruin their lives. They fought their way through it, and others around them have been so supportive of them as well. Their positive impact on me has helped me cope with this crisis as well.

The total experience is what I think is so important. I love to look back on events in my life and think how awesome it is that I was able to get through something, no matter how big or small it may seem. Some families suffer through addictions, some through abuse, others with house fires and more with divorce. These all seem like they would be negative stress in our lives and in the home.

I feel that the most important thing we can do as individuals is to try to see the positive during hard times. This is earth, we are human, and hard times will come. It's up to us how we are going to react to them.

Crisis literally means both danger and opportunity. Likewise, these experiences we face in our families and as individuals can be horrible, but in the long run they help us become stronger people.